Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
