he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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