8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
