Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
