Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
