Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
