Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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