Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
