why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
