But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
