hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize