I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
