I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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