You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
if only i could text you this smell
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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