dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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