office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
