And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize