i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
