I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
