Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Randomize
