I'm eating all of the evidence.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
