i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
