this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
