Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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