The maid of honor just puked.
I wish i was in the wii world.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
