You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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