walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
