you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
