I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
