i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i out mim tonsoeep
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