don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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