I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
