if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize