I heard we made out
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
