FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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