a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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