When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
