Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize