I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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