I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
