i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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