I can tuck mytits in my pants
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
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