ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You are the jesus of drinking
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