I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
