just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
