Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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