and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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