I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
