Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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