Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
