i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
