You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
