with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You were trust falling into bushes
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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