its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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