So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
