Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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