I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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