I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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