I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
God, I missed his penis.
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