I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
