My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
