What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize