At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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