I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
