:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
