why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I am available for nakedness
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
