Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
