grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just high enough for therapy.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
