i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
