The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
