She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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