Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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