apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Your shirt... Was in my pants
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
