He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
