If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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