Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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