I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize