you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize