Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
