just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
