You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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