So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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