I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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