69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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