Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry sarahwg1990 hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(804): View more from Virginia

Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.

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(512): View more from Texas

He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.

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(760): View more from California

Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.

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(319): View more from Iowa

I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.

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(863): View more from Florida

So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.

(1-863): View more from Florida

You're a fucking train wreck.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...

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(785): View more from Kansas

I'm home now if you wanna come over.

(913): View more from Kansas

Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.

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(636): View more from Missouri

you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating

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