I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
