how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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