Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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