i was born a porn star she said
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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