i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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