I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
