she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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