he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize