can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
