I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I need water and some morals
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize