I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Floor bacon is actually really good
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
