Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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