There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
