We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
