it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Randomize
