I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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