you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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