Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
COCAINE IS GR8
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