i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
