I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
