Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
