Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Dear god my vagina.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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