i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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