i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
