Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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